It’s a rainy Sunday morning. My family and I had a nice late breakfast at a local retro diner. You know the one – located in an old time silver trailer, with the jukebox, daily specials written on whiteboards, and pancakes as big as dinner plates. It was a good, and filling breakfast.
Afterward, we decided to do a little grocery shopping at a local place I love. So, we headed over. We pulled into a disabled parking spot, with my pass in the window, and headed inside.
We gathered up apricots, peaches, spring onions, makings for chili and other things for the week ahead. This week is “treatment week” as we call it around here. I go in on Tuesday, and there’s no telling how I will feel in the days that follow. I’m on a new treatment now, as the last one just stopped working. I’m grateful to have another option, but if last time was any indication, I won’t feel so hot this week. So, we planned ahead and shopped.
We got to the checkout counter, swarming with people and their purchases. I started to feel a little faint, and warm. I know what that means. So, I grabbed the keys, and my son and I headed for the car. I was grateful we parked where we did (thanks to my pass) so I could quickly get to the car and sit down.
As we approached the car, I saw a note under the windshield. I was pretty sure someone had hit us, scratched the car, or something else, but happy that at least they had left a note. Then I read the note:
“We noticed that the people getting out of your car did not seam (seem) handicapped. It is not nice to miss use (misuse) the handicap parking. Leave it for someone that really needs it.”
Huh. Okay.
I had heard of things like this, but had never been on the receiving end of it. It stung, I won’t pretend it didn’t. Maybe because I am VERY wary of using my pass, and most often times I don’t. I am keenly aware and compassionate toward others who have a pass, so if it’s a good day for me, I often don’t use it. Even though I am fully in my rights to do so. Today I was glad I did.
Here’s what this person (persons?) didn’t know, or think to ask about:
You can’t tell by looking at me that I have stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and all the weird health things that means for me. (And that it scares me.)
You don’t know that sometimes out of nowhere I feel like I’m going to pass out.
You don’t know that I sometimes get winded for no good reason.
You don’t know that on the days I could use the scooter in the store, I often don’t, as I don’t want people to worry about me. And there always seems to be someone who needs it more than me.
You don’t know that I sometimes use my time in the store to get some exercise, because I’ve been in the house throwing up from chemo. (It rains a lot here, and the store is warm and dry.)
You don’t know that I get unexplained fevers at night called “tumor fevers” which wipe me out for days.
My oncologist gave me that pass, as she thought I needed it.
You don’t know, because you didn’t ask.
So, do me a favor friends, educate the people you know about these parking passes. Disability is not always something you can see. Ask a question, and never assume.
Sweetie I fully feel for you. I also have a permanent pass, but like you my health issues don’t show and most times I don’t use my pass either….for all the reasons you listed!
Guess I’m just trying to send you some nice,positive thoughts. There will always be ppl like on that note, we’ll just have to chuckle and concentrate on the positive we have left, Danie
Wow! There is so much judgement and so little understanding. I’m sorry someone targeted you out of their ignorance. However, please don’t let the ignorance of others impact your thoughts or your willingness to exercise your rights to use your pass as you need it. You are going through enough without adding this to it. Best of luck with your treatment! Prayers!
You are one of the many disabled persons who are in the category defined as “invisible disabilities.”
Please accept my support for you. My son is also in that category. He, as well as you, use no crutches or canes, wear no leg braces or slings for a broken arm, or use no wheelchair……..These items would be visible needed objects giving clues that some type of disability is experienced by their user. You don’t. Easier said than done but I hope you have been able to shake the sting of that note off, as really, it is not about you. It is however, telling a lot of truth about the writer. The inaccurate spelling, poor grammar, jumping to negative conclusions and intent to shame you say so much that that person is a bitter and unhappy individual. There are many sad and tortured persons who only feel powerful when they are able to be critical of anything and anyone.
It is hoped that someday they will allow positives and love to enter their hearts. Until then they will write more notes like this. Know that you have tons of support and that the note is not about you but more about who they are. Take Care.
The note wasn’t rude. It seems this person was looking out for you, believe it or not. Sorry you are going through this.
You probably should not be driving.
As a pancreatic cancer survivor myself I fight this continually. If people only knew the chaos it causes…
Good luck (FIGHT)
Ive had this done. I used to be a fed ex driver, i had 2 back surgeries from a doctor named James Makker, who ended up making me, and all his other patients worse. Im now disabled, apparently have degenerative disc disease. Due to back to back surgeries i went fro 225 lbs to 425, im now down to 350 and still slowly loosing it. I have gotten so much guff from people, saying fat people shouldnt get to park in handicap spots, and things like that :(. Normally i give a snarky response of, Im fat because im disabled you ignorant moron. But it still hurts. I hate getting stared at by people every time i park in a handicap space. When i am by myself i dont do it, but with my kids i have no choice, its hard to keep walking while holding both their hands.
I am very sorry this happend to you, i love how everyone thinks they have a right to try and police people anymore, instead of minding their own business.
As to you George. The letter WAS rude. Are you disabled? Ever have it happen to you? NO? Then you have no right to say it was not rude, until you have been in our shoes, seeing the judgement. I had someone get in my face saying that unless im in a wheelchair, i am not disabled. Unless you have been judged for what you are posting about, then you have NO clue.
To Dan:
You’re right, it was rude. I guess I was just glad there was no profanity. My wife is also disabled due to back surgery, however she walks with a limp so it’s obvious. She refuses to use the handicap spots, saving them for “folks who need them”.
Naturally, I get annoyed when I see folks who don’t seem to be handicapped using those spots. I’ve seen handicapped drivers park there while their able-bodies passenger literally jog into the store, while the driver sits in the car and waits, taking up the spot. I’ve never left a note on anyone’s car, but I understand the desire to do so. Don’t you?
Congrats on the weight loss, and good luck going forward.
I once saw an “inspirational story” about a woman born with one leg who did not use a prosthetic. She mentioned that once when she parked in a handicapped space, a mall cop ran over to chew her out as she stood by her car. When she informed him that she was handicapped, he looked her up & down & demanded, “Where?”
Yes, humans can be pretty stupid.
Most people who get that sign (or other “perks”) have good days & bad days, and one often turns into the other. After being imprisoned at home all week, there is the natural joyous temptation to overdo it, at which point they might have to ask a passenger to help grab that last item/task for them. Doctor appt+lunch to sit & rest+sign for prescription=EXHAUSTION.
I have been through this with three people recovering from hospitalization. Anyone who has been in that situation understands. The few people who don’t understand (yet) should be grateful for their ignorance.
Meanwhile, keep passing on your good “kar-ma”!
People can be ignorant. I’m disabled and although it hurts to move – most days I don’t use my cane. I had a guy cut me off in a crowd once and some woman (trying to be kind) went after him and told him off, “Can’t you see SHE IS DISABLED?!” – I was mortified. I don’t want to be disabled. I try and act like everyone else – most people don’t know. A new colleague asked me “How did you score a handicapped placard?!” To which I replied, “I was in a very bad accident and now I’m disabled. I wish I didn’t have it.”
Thank you for telling your story Brandie Kajino. Your story helps the rest of us.
I was at the Labor and Delivery at Kaiser in October 2013 with my daughter as she was delivering my granddaughter. I am also disabled, I am in the 4th stage of COPD. This is a disease that makes if difficult to breath. I drive a 1-ton dually truck, that is used to tow my 5th wheel. I came out of the hospital one morning to find a note on my windshield that state that they did not understand why a handicapped person would need such a large vehicle and if so, they needed to park out of that spot. I agree with you, there are many many people with crippling diseases that can not and may not ever be visible to the eye. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. GOD will help these people that can be so ignorant. My hat is off to you and I pray that you will beat your cancer.